I recieved this forward recently via e-mail, but got such a kick out of it that I'll post it:
"NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND---THE FOOTBALL VERSION
1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If, after two years, they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.
2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.
ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!
3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.
4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game. It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind."
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2 comments:
This is great...I know a certain teacher who teaches third grade in a Denver area school who can absolutely sympathize with this at CSAPs roll around.
If nothing else, the schools who score lower should get the extra money, eh? I say we start using the "Bizarro World" principle...or "Go Costanza" and do everything the opposite of what we would usually do with our educational system, and see what happens.
EBC...what was going on while all of us were growing up that we didn't know about?
I love it...except one thing was left out that is crucial:
"If a team is under probation, any players (most likely the good ones) will be provided with the means to participate in another school's athletic program and make that school's program even stronger, thereby ensuring the former team's complete demise into oblivion. That is until the families in the community band together to create an alternative football team that does not play by the same rules nor teach the same skills and ends up really being more of a nordic ski team rather than a football team so that one day when the players go off to college, they have no idea what's going on with all this football mess and ask, "Where's the snow?" The end.
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